Stuperhero Extraordinaire

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25/08/2007

Long Way to Go

My life has been so uneventful, I don't even know what to say. It's been school, the kids, and meetings all week. Nothing very exciting. I'm settling into a routine with my meetings and have one for every day of the week except Wednesdays. My favorite ones being on Mondays and Tuesdays. Those are my home groups.

I've been reading like crazy, lots of good books on Recovery. Right now I'm reading A Place Called Self, which is really good so far. Other than that, not much going on. Just working on myself and trying to keep my head above water.

School is really getting to me, my classes are so very boring. I'm hoping that for next semester I have some more interesting ones.

In a couple more weeks I see my therapist for the first time. It's a man, I've never had a male therapist before, so we shall see how that goes. If I don't like him I can always switch to another one. I'm anxious to get in and see him and get started working on my issues, I have quite a few of them. It's going to be a long haul, but it will be worth it. I just wish I didn't have to wait so long to see him.

I'm feeling very tense and agitated this morning. I'm trying to be mindful and just enjoy the peace and quiet of my morning, but I'm having a hard time doing that. I have so much running through my head, I can't seem to quiet my mind. I have a long to do list, and I don't want to do any of it. You should see my pile of laundry, it's HUGE. It's going to take me forever, and cost me a fortune to do it all.

So, I'm on steps 2 & 3 in my program, which have to do with turning my life over to my Higher Power. I'm still struggling to figure out what I believe about God. I don't adhere to any particular religion, I'm taking bits and pieces from many different ones, mostly Paganism and Buddhism.

I feel kind of lost spiritually. I sort of miss the absolute black and whiteness of Christianity, but just can't stomach a lot of what is in the Bible. I feel like a woman without a spiritual home. I don't know exactly what I believe about God, and I think a part of me is afraid to follow a particular religious path because I'm afraid it will be the wrong one and God will let me down again. Does that make any sense at all?

But I'm spiritually hungry, and I don't know where to turn. I have this void in me that I used to fill with chemicals, but now it's just there, waiting to devour me. I feel empty and long to be complete. So, I'm just taking it day by day and praying that God will reveal herself to me and grant me faith.

Well, I'm off to read some more.

Laters!

09:00 Posted in Blather , Books , Recovery | Permalink | Email this

Comments

I have both male & female therapists and both were okay. The man took my husbands side in couples counseling, though. Other than that, there wasn't much difference.

Posted by: kathy | 28/08/2007

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