Stuperhero Extraordinaire

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06/09/2007

Ah Ha!

No, I haven't slipped into the Seventh Circle of Hell. Nor have a been kidnapped by insane beauticians for my lack of fashion sense. I've just been alternating between being very busy and being way avoidy.

There has been so much going on with school, and the Drunken Midgets starting school, and me spending two billion dollars on back to school stuff, it's just been crazy insane. It's making me even more insane than I usually am. I'm currently waiting for the men in white jackets to come remove me and place me in a room where the walls are covered with rubber. They should be here any minute. Until then I'll just bore you to death.

So, I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, but the youngest Drunken Midget found a baby robin who's mother had been squished and, being the friend and caretaker to all, she brought it home. And with me being a sucker for both children and animals, I let her keep it. Well, now the damn thing is full grown and flying and pooping all over my house. She especially likes to cuddle with me in my bed, forcing me to wash my damn sheets every other day. Of course, the youngest has tired of her and doesn't watch her, clean up after her, or feed her anymore, which leaves the care of this damn thing up to me. Go figure. So, now I have to find a Wildlife Refuge or something for this robin. And the worst part is that since it imprinted on me, I'm going to miss the little bugger.

Damn bird.

I registered for Fall Semester the other day and have Business Communications (how is that different from Business Writing, which I have now?), Composition, and Health Care Law and Ethics. Another thrilling semester of totally boring classes I'll have to drag myself every Tuesday and Thursday.

And of course because I'm so damn broke I haven't been able to pay Argosy what I owe them they won't transfer my records to MSB, so I have no idea what will transfer over. I'm so damn tired of people that keep harrassing me for my money. It's like, don't they realize that if I could, I would pay them in a New York Minute just to get them off my fucking back? But, no, they somehow think that I'm just rolling in the dough but refuse to pay them and call to harrass me a thousand times a day.

So, I've been reading a ton of books on Recovery and going to five meetings a week. It's eough to make a girl want to drink again, let me tell you. (Too late)

I've also been reading a bunch of books on Buddhism, which are pretty good, but I'm a little lost in regards to some of their doctrine. I'm hoping that the more I read on it, the more I'll understand it. Not that I want to be a Buddist but they have many techniques on how to tame the mind and be at peace that I think will be helpful to me. My mind is forever spinning and so out of control that I could really use the help.

So, I'm fairly sure that even though they have some principles that can help me, I don't want to be a Buddhist so that leaves me wondering what the hell I do want to be? By process of elimination I've decided what I don't want to be, so what the hell do I want to be? I'm thinking I should just start my own damn religion and call it the Heinz 57 Religious Experience, cuz I find something useful out of every religion I study. Why not take what I like out of all of them and start my own? Cuz, really, I haven't found one that works for me yet. Paganism is about as close as I can get to adhering to a particular religion, but even that leaves me wanting in some respects.

So, I'm kinda stuck spiritually and dissatisfied with life in general and am pretty ready to go on a shooting spree. I'm damn sure that if I eliminate certain people I will be doing the Universe a huge favor. But then, considering I'm Pro Gun Control, that might not work so well for me.

At least, for the most part I'm Pro Gun Control, but my ex best friend made a good point when she said, If you outlaw guns, then the Government will be the only one with the firepower, and we all know how fucked up the Government can be. So, I'm torn on that issue as well, like I'm torn on most things in life.

I just don't know what I believe anymore. Nor do I even know who I am. I feel lost and completely stuck.

So, that's where I've been lately, in case you were wondering.

Much love to all my buddies and friends out in cyberspace.

Laters!

Raven 

17:11 Posted in A Touch of the Divine , Blather , Recovery | Permalink | Email this

Comments

I can understand what your saying with the Heinz 57 idea. Your nature however, would still be built from past. That underlying nature in everyone makes the modern religions very specific, but I believe they all ring in unison.

Whenever we focus hard on any debate, and keep asking why, why, why. We find ourselves stuck in the middle, but thats the only direction through it.

Posted by: matt | 06/09/2007

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