Stuperhero Extraordinaire

08/07/2007

Tattoo

This is the tattoo I'm considering getting on my low back. The wolf is my spirit animal.

In other news, I am very bored. It's 6:30 and I've been up for three hours trying to entertain myself.

 That's about it for now!

 

Laters!

11:35 Posted in Pics , Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

30/05/2007

Up Close and Personal

What have I done today? Well, I made some phone calls. Okay, so that's a lie. Some of the people I had on my list to call called me and I got some business taken care of. So, it was done, whether I initiated it or not, so I count that as points for me. Now I just have to get to the rest of my to-do list.

 

Right now I'm just hanging out, listening to Puddle of Mudd "She Hates Me" and blogging. The eldest Drunken Midget's bird is flipping out for some unknown reason. Maybe she doesn't like my choice of music. Maybe I should have put in Oasis instead.

 

My cats are really starting to piss me off. They have been working at the hole Karma ripped in the screen after she learned how to open the screen door, and now it is big enough for the cats to use as a pet door. My landlord is going to be so pissed. I'm sure they'll take that out of my security deposit. I thought about telling them the pack of shrews nesting above my deck chewed the hole in the screen, but I don't think they'll buy it. I could try, but then they would probably come kill all the shrews on account of my lie and that would just be bad.

 

It's only 11:00 a.m. and I am so bored. I want to watch more of season two of the X-Files, but I need the DVD remote to watch it and I can't find the damn thing. And there is absolutely nothing on tv right now other than Judging Amy and I just can't watch that show anymore. It's not one of those shows I can watch again and again like Buffy or the X-Files.

 

And, I only have myself to blame for losing the remote cuz I found it laying on the floor, picked it up, walked off somewhere else and absentmindedly set it down somewhere and now I can't find it. Usually I like to blame the kids for things like losing the remote, but I can't this time. Not because I wouldn't try, but they saw me with it last so they would bust me. There have been plenty of times I've blamed them for stuff that I know I've done, just so I don't look like a complete idiot. I don't punish them for it, but I blame it on them.

 

I'm so horrible, I know.

 

But, I'm completely okay with that.

 

And my children have already told me that they are scarred for life because I am so open and willing to talk about everything. I gave them the sex talk and I was very straightforward and didn't use those dumb ass euphenisms for words like penis and vagina and I wasn't embarrased at all. I have no problem talking about sex. It's a natural part of life, you just need to be responsible about it. My kids, however, are not as comfortable talking about sex as I am.

 

Of course, then my kids were snooping in my closet and found my toys and porn. But, as far as I'm concerned, they deserve to be scarred for life since they were snooping in my stuff!!

 

K, well I'm off to find something to do.

 

Laters!

16:10 Posted in A Whole Lotta Nothin' , Blather , Drunken Midgets , Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

25/05/2007

Evil Red Riding Hood

I'm so sad, my very favorite toy, the one I paid $80 for two months ago, is already broken and I can't find the receipt or the warranty. I'm also kinda pissed about that actually, cuz that is a lot of money for a product that only lasted two months. My last one lasted over two years.

 

Other than that I am just enjoying my last days before the kids are out of school. This is their last full week and they are done on June 7. And I don't start school till July 16. So, that's over a month of being home 24/7. I'm not looking forward to that. The fighting in the summer is pretty constant and I perpetually hear "I'm bored, I'm bored." Which, I don't blame them, I get bored too and I do as many free things as I can, like go to the pool, but there are only so many free things to do.

 

And we don't have any company coming this summer to look forward to. Last year at this time we were anticipating the arrival of our friends from France, whom we miss very much. But, this year we have no one coming to visit. :(

 

Well, my grandma is coming into town sometime in June to see the new baby, my sister-in-law is due sometime at the beginning of June, but I don't look forward to that as much as I look forward to seeing my friends. Although, we are very excited to be having a baby in the family again. As long as it isn't mine, that is. I don't plan on having any more kids unless I meet the Ultimate Prince Charming. Yet, I'm not getting my hopes up cuz I don't think he actually exists.

 

The Drunken Midgets, especially the youngest, are pretty excited too.

 

Now hopefully the youngest will stop pestering me for a little brother or sister. Or, maybe being around the baby will make her want one all the more, I don't know. But like I said, I'd only have more kids if I were married and I'd have to be married to somebody pretty damn perfect to even think of having any more kids.

 

And I'm certainly not doing it alone again, that is for sure! Raising two kids on my own is enough, thank you very much.

 

So, I don't know what I'm going to do with my day. When the Drunken Midgets get home we have the eldest's violin lesson and then we have to come home and clean before she goes to her dad's. The cleaning lady is coming on Sunday and I'll be damned if I'm going to clean it all myself.

 

But, until they get home, I have to work on my financial stuff, which I might actually put off until tomorrow cuz I'm going to see if I can go talk to my mom about it on Sunday.

 

I've been dreading this for months and I can't wait to get it over with.

 

I'm so screwed financially though, that $100 a month I have to pay Argosy is going to kill me. And not only are my bills going up but I have to cut down on my use of my mother's credit card. I am so screwed.

 

But, I'm not going to think about that now. For now I'm going to be in denial and enjoy it while I can.

 

So there.

 

In other news, Congress finally buckled and gave the Idiot King his war funding with no troop withdrawal date attached. Yeah, let's give the raving lunatic more money to wage his war. That makes so much sense. Haven't enough soldiers died in this war that cannot be won?

 

I was listening to NPR (National Public Radio) this morning and listened to a family talk about their experiences living in Bahgdad, or however you spell it. It was really sad, and made me really grateful for a lot of things, that's for sure. I got goosebumps listening to them talk, it was so tragic, this whole war is a tragedy that never should have happened.

 

And we just keep handing him blank checks and loads of more soldiers to send over there to die.

 

When will we learn?

 

And will we elect another Idiot to the Throne? Because, I don't think that We as a People have learned enough from Bush's Dictatorship. As long as we continue to fund this war, it just goes to show that we haven't learned a thing.

 

Over the span of the last two elections I have lost faith in the majority of the American People. It seems that so few in this country want to think for themselves. They'd rather just follow the loudest, most obnoxious, self righteous group of people there are. They'd rather be told what to think than to have to expend the energy to do it themselves.

 

This country needs a woman to run it. And not some Man-woman, you know who I mean, those women that get ahead because they lower themselves to play by men's rules in order to get the White Man's power. And, as much as I hate to use one of Rush Limbaugh's phrases, but we don't want some Femi-Nazi in office either. Not that one would ever get elected. And, I hate to say it, but they do exist and they give the rest of us Feminists a bad name cuz they are the ones who get all the press.

 

K, well I'm gonna hop down off of my Soapbox for now and go put in some music.

 

Laters!

14:11 Posted in Drunken Midgets , My Soapbox , Raven Revealed , Village Idiot | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

25/03/2007

BOO!

I have had a very busy morning so far. We were at the pool by ten and then I had to pick up my daughter at her 'father's' house and bring her to Girl Scouts because apparently if he isn't dropping her at my place he won't bring her home. Fucking wanker. So, this weekend I got to drive both ways cuz I dropped her there yesterday. If it didn't take so much energy I'd hate him, but he's not worth my energy, yet he is a definite irritant in my life. One that I need to bitch about occassionally.

 

So, for now I have the house to my self while the eldest is at her Girl Scout meeting and the youngest went out to lunch with her Big Sister. That will give me about an hour to myself. I wish it were more, but I'll take what I can get.

 

Other than that, not much going on. I sent for some information from the school I want to transfer to so I'll be talking to someone about that soon. I'm debating if I'm still going to take online courses at Argosy this summer, cuz I need the financial aid money, and I don't know how taking a sememster off would affect my elegibility. But, it might be too late to get into the classes I want. Plus, I have to apply for financial aid and I'm not sure how I would switch it over to the other school in the fall.

 

So, I'm excited to be switching schools and programs, as I've mentioned repeatedly. I'm also very excited to move, it will give me a chance to get rid of all the things I don't need that are taking up room in my apartment, and I've been wishing I could move for a while now anyway.

 

But, if I don't get a two bedroom plus den or a townhouse I'm going to be crushed. I've tried to not get my hopes up too high, but I'm not having much success at it. So, I just keep a praying for it.

 

I am completely and thouroughly enjoying being single again. Not that it's much of a difference since he was never around much, even before he left the state, but it's nice to be free again and not have to worry about him or if he's okay, or if we were going to make it through the distance. It's quite a big relief.

 

And since I ordered some new toys, I'm okay in the sex department for quite a long time. I've found that most men can't bring me the pleasure I can bring myself so I'm not missing anything by not having a partner there. No offense guys, I'm sure some of you know how to please a woman, but a majority of you have absolutely not a clue.

 

And, I even bought a bunch of rechargable batteries so I don't have to spend so damn much on batteries anymore, cuz that was getting really expensive.

 

I'm really liking The Spiral Dance, by Starhawk. I'm going to see about picking up some of her other books, if there are any, which I'm sure there are. I also need to finish a couple books I started a few weeks back, one on the 'myth' of the Goddess through time, and one on the Feminine Spirituality movement in America. They are good books but they are kinda textbook oriented and a bit dry so I can only read them for short periods at a time.

 

Well, I'm off to find something to do to entertain myself for the next forty five minutes.

 

Laters!

17:55 Posted in Blather , Raven Revealed , School Shit | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

02/11/2006

Scared Yet???????

Oh my fucking Goddess! Can you say, 'Shooting Spree'???? Okay, so I'm being a tad bit overdramatic, cuz after all I don't even own a gun...But still!!!!

22:28 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

02/08/2006

An Update

Not much going on here. Still in pain. Still suffering from writer's block somethin' fierce. I can always handle life so much better when I can transform my suffering into words. But, the words just won't come. Instead I sit and stare at a blank page that mocks me for my inadequacy. It's like being impotent. Too bad they don't have a pill for that kind of impotency. I'm going crazy not being able to write. It's like someone sucked all the words from me leaving behind nothing but an empty shell, a vacant copy of the person I used to be.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. It's like I'm searching for something that just won't be found. It's hiding, taunting me from behind a door to which there is no key. I try to placate the emptiness with past memories of fulfillment but it just won't be satisfied. I've knocked on every door, found bits and pieces of something I don't recognize, but the whole of it just keeps evading me. Every time I think I've caught it, whatever the hell it is, it slips just out of my reach and I'm left in the shadows again.

Sleep evades me as I toss and turn each night, wondering what it is that I'm missing. Reaching for pen and paper, only to leave it blank. Each word I do write I have to force out,extract it from the tangle of emotions suffocating me whereas before the words flowed from my pen with such effortless ease. What happened? Where have I gone? I feel like an imprint, a memory of something long passed. Surely I can't truly exist and be this empty, this inadequate.

So, instead of creating something new to describe where I am, I'm left to plagerize (or however you spell it, I'm too lazy to look it up) myself. I wrote this about a year ago. 

Secrets 

Boiling in this mind, these thoughts a deafening roar
Memories, fears, insecurity, hatred and rages galore
Crashing against my skull, an assault that will not cease
Pushing me over the edge, never a moment's peace.
Cursed to endure this agony meant to be a life
A life composed of nothing but suffering and strife.
A soul filled with emptiness, nothing left to give
Wishing I could die, but for them I have to live.
Can't leave them behind, make them suffer my fate
Forced to go on, withered heart blackened with hate
For those who do nothing, nothing but accuse and blame
Ignoring their own foibles, drowning me in shame.
Pain a constant companion, this body can't endure
This thing that lives inside, for which there is no cure
Pretend it isn't there for those who won't believe
Judgment in their eyes from which there's no reprieve
At the end of every endless day fall into my bed
Looking to the morning filled with only dread
Responsibilities I can't fulfill haunt my weary mind
Those who cannot see say I'm being refined
Never could they know the pain I must withstand
How hard it is to do the things that they demand
The hope that carried me on perished long ago
A secret taken to my grave that no one will ever know.

12:56 Posted in My Writing , Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

07/04/2006

Lost

So, I just bought the first season of Lost.  I've said it before and I'll say it again...Can I please be Lost?  Especially with Sayid.  I mean, call me a traitor and all, but that is one HOT Iraqi!  Hehehe

And after Lost, it's Shaun of the Dead, which is also tip top!

Laters!

23:47 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

15/03/2006

Girl Anachronism

Yes, it's another song by the Dresden Dolls.  I cannot emphasize enough how much I love this duo!!  This particular song is dedicated to all the people in my life who just don't get me.  Hehehe

You can tell
From the scars on my arms
And cracks in my hips
And the dents in my car
And the blisters on my lips
That I'm not the carefullest of girls

You can tell
From the glass on the floor
And the strings that're breaking
And I keep on breaking more
And it looks like I am shaking
But it's just the temperature
And then again
If it were any colder I could disengage
If I were any older I could act my age
But I dont think that youd believe me
It's
Not
The
Way
I'm
Meant
To
Be
It's just the way the operation made me

And you can tell
From the state of my room
That they let me out too soon
And the pills that I ate
Came a couple years too late
And ive got some issues to work through
There I go again
Pretending to be you
Make-believing
That I have a soul beneath the surface
Trying to convince you
It was accidentally on purpose

I am not so serious
This passion is a plagiarism
I might join your century
But only on a rare occasion
I was taken out
Before the labor pains set in and now
Behold the world's worst accident
I am the girl anachronism

And you can tell
By the red in my eyes
And the bruises on my thighs
And the knots in my hair
And the bathtub full of flies
That I'm not right now at all
There I go again
Pretending that I'll fall
Don't call the doctors
Cause they've seen it all before
They'll say just
Let
Her
Crash
And
Burn
She'll learn
The attention just encourages her

And you can tell
From the full-body cast
That you're sorry that you asked
Though you did everything you could
(like any decent person would)
But I might be catching so don't touch
You'll start believeing youre immune to gravity and stuff
Don't get me wet
Because the bandages will all come off

And you can tell
From the smoke at the stake
That the current state is critical
Well it is the little things, for instance:
In the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
Please excuse her for the day, its just the way the medication makes her...

I dont necessarily believe there is a cure for this
So I might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
I was too precarious removed as a caesarian
Behold the worlds worst accident
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM

16:43 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

10/01/2006

So Embarrasing...And Funny!

I recently discovered the most embarrasing, yet somehow disturbingly hilarious, thing that could ever happen to a woman:  Your 14 year old daughter stumbling across the... adult pics that you e-mailed to your bf.  And, the second most embarrasing, and even more hilarious, thing that could happen would be when your 10 year old daughter told Grandma about said pics.  I don't know if I should laugh or cry!

19:50 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (7) | Email this

02/01/2006

A Thought on Sex

"Sex should be wild.  Unfettered and free.  We're animals aren't we?  And basically we're all wolves in sheep's fur.  I always wanted more.  Not frequency, I'm not talking about frequency; although that would have been great too.  I wanted more intensity.  I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin.  I wanted sex to be like robbing life out of the jaws of death!"

Robin Green, Northern Exposure, Goodbye to All That

15:19 Posted in Random Quotes , Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (6) | Email this

14/12/2005

Oh Shit!!!

OMFG!  I'm out of batteries!  What am I supposed to do now????

20:18 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

All Done!!!

Hey there!  I am so excited, I finished my last final today!!! :::Raven does her happy dance:::  I think I got A's on all of them :::and the crowd goes wild:::  Have to say though that it's a bit of a letdown.  All the girls in class were talking about going out to celebrate with their bf's and it really made me miss my honey.  Still haven't heard from him so I'm not happy about that.  And, I decided that I need to get me one of these:

"Coin-Operated Boy"
By the Dresden Dolls

Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
But i turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy
That is why i want a coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend....

Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that i destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
Never let him go and i'll never be alone
Not with my coin operated boy......

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didnt think so but im still convinceable
Will you persist even after i bet you
A billion dollars that i'll never love you
Will you persist even after i kiss you
Goodbye for the last time
Will you keep on trying to prove it?
I'm dying to lose it...
I want it
I want you
I want a coin operated boy.

And if i had a star to wish on
For my life i cant imagine
Any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath

Coin operated boy
He may not be real experienced with girls
But i know he feels like a boy should feel
Isnt that the point that is why i want a
Coin operated boy
With his pretty coin operated voice
Saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why i want
A coin operated boy.

Of course the lyrics alone just can't do this song justice so you should check it out!

Laters!
Raven

18:20 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

13/12/2005

Now What?

"When masturbation's lost its fun you're fucking breaking..."

                                                             Green Day

19:45 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

12/12/2005

Santa

So, we went to the mall to see Santa and my youngest insisted I sit on his lap too.  When I went to get up, my girl says 'But Mom, you have to tell him what you want for Christmas.'  He smiles at me and tips his ear towards me and so I lean forward and whispered, "Batteries.  Lots of 'em."  His eyes got all wide, it was so funny!

17:36 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

10/12/2005

Too Much Information

23:09 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

06/12/2005

I cum in peace...

00:05 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this

03/12/2005

I Am My Own Universe

A friend of mine recently started a website where women who have been in abusive relationships can share their stories--Picture This.  In looking through these stories and meandering through my own memories of abuse at the hands of my daughter’s father I started to wonder why it is we women stay with men who abuse us or mistreat us?  Why do we so often settle for less than we deserve?

 

Is it because we so desperately want the fairytale we’ve all been promised?  Are we waiting for the fairy godmother to come, wave her magic wand, dress us for the ball so we can live happily ever after with Prince Charming?

 

Even if our Prince isn’t so princely or charming, we think, if only we can love them enough we can transform them from the Beast into the Prince.  Or maybe, despite how badly we want the fairytale, we don’t think we are deserving of it so we remain trapped in a toxic relationship even as our soul withers and dies. 

 

We are deserving of so much more than this but maybe we are broken inside and hoping against hope that our Beast/Prince can fix us, fill us, complete us.  Maybe if we can get our Prince to love and cherish us, we will finally be able to love and cherish ourselves.

 

So what do we do?  How do we learn to stop settling for less than we deserve?  How do we move beyond the cycle of destructive relationships?  How do we learn to love ourselves?  There are many trite clichés I could utter here.  I could try to explain to you my own journey out of my own destructive cycle into a place of healing and wholeness but I don’t know that I can find the words to adequately explain it.  And anyway, though I have come very, very far, I haven’t completed my journey yet.  Like everyone else I am a work in progress. 

 

All I know is that we are deserving, we are beautiful and powerful and worth so much more than we think we are.  If we hold onto that, if we keep believing that, we will find our way out of the pain and the darkness shrouding our path will give way to sunshine.

 

This is a poem I wrote after I left my abusive ex:

 

I used to think he was my sun,

The center of my Universe.

Now I know that I am the sun,

And the stars

And the moon.

I am my own Universe

Complex and diverse,

Beautiful and awe-inspiring

Mighty and powerful,

A force to be reckoned with.

Ever changing

Ever expanding, 

Without beginning or end

A mystery that can’t be fully known.

 

00:31 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

23/09/2005

Why Can't I Give Up?

I want to give up, want to cry uncle and give in.  I'd love nothing more than to wrap the cloak of defeat around my shoulders and melt into nonexistence.  But I can't.  I'm too strong.  No matter how much I try I can't give in, I can't stop fighting.  No matter how dark the clouds on the horizon I can't succumb to the agony raging through every fiber of my being, can't be rocked to sleep by the lullaby of hopelessness that forever sings to me.  I wish I could, but fate is cruel, forces me to suffer trials without end with no hope of reprive.  No matter how hard I try nothing ever changes.  Nothing ever gets easier, the sun never seems to shine for more than a moment in time.  Shrouded in perpetual darkness I am doomed to continue the fight with no hope in sight because I'm too strong to give in.

01:04 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

12/09/2005

Drowning

What do you do when everyone turns to you but you have no one to turn to?  What do you do when everyone depends on you and you try and you try and you try but it's never enough?  What do you do when you have to be there for everyone but there's no one there for you?  What do you do when everyone needs and needs and needs and accuses and blames and expects and demands but no matter what you give it's never enough?  What do you do when you take the Universe onto your shoulders, your own responsibilities as well as everyone else's, and when you stumble under the weight that crushes you they just stand back and condem you for not trying hard enough? How do you succeed with this thing in you that eats away at you, devours your strength, cripples your body, but no one can see it from the outside so you're forced to pretend it's all okay and just keep doing, doing, doing, doing even when there's nothing in you anymore?  What do you do when you have to let them cry on your shoulder but each night your tears of exhausted frustration and despair fall onto nothing more than an empty pillow?  What do you do when you're consumed by guilt because you just can't pretend it's all okay anymore?  What do you do when you want to succeed, long for success, yearn to become something, someone, but all you can do is flounder under the weight of the responsibilities and duties that never stop coming at you?  How do you keep propelling yourself forward when it's only a week into it and you're already running on empty?

01:10 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

31/08/2005

The Greatest Invention Ever!!

:::COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! GASP!  HAIRBALL!:::

Sorry 'bout that everyone...

WARNING:  Once again, if you are faint of heart or mortified by talk of female sexual pleasure I advise you to stop reading NOW!!!  I am going to take a moment from dying to share my new fetish with ya'll. 

 

Okay then, now that the prudes are gone, CHECK IT OUT!!!  I just discovered this little vibrating tidbit and let me tell ya, whoever invented this really should get like the Nobel Peace Prize or something, it's just that level of GREATNESS!!  This, dear readers, is a condom that has a little battery powered vibrator that slips on over the condom.  It's a one use vibrator and it runs for about twenty minutes.  THANK GODDESS!!!!  It's about damn time they came out with something like this.  I will gladly be adding it to my collection of toys. 

 

Laters!
Raven

23:35 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

19/07/2005

Spiritual Men

Once again I feel compelled to warn the prude and weak of heart to pass this post on by....

I just have to say that I find a spiritual man to be oh-so-very stuper sexy!  When I found out Orlando Bloom is a Buddhist he gained like 500 more sexy points.  In my book, he is now officially THE sexiest man in the known Universe--except for my honey that is--followed very closely by Brad Pitt.  Oh, Brad Pitt in Troy… on the big screen… all that jumping in that leather pleated skirt thing… all those bulging muscles… wielding that big…sword.  NUMMY!!!  Can ya tell my honey’s been out of town a while?  One of the things that sucks about having a bf in the military… you spend a FORTUNE in batteries!!  So much in fact that the Energizer Bunny sends me a thank you note every year!  Okay, maybe a bit too much information, but hey, I warned ya!

 

Laters!

23:09 Posted in Raven Revealed | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

27/04/2005

My Favorite Toy!

All righty then, this is another one of those 'way too up close and personal' entries. But hell, men talk about sex all the time and I'm not ashamed of my sexuality so I see no reason not to share!

So, my absolute favorite, bestest sex toy EVER, is the Jackrabbit!!! It's a bit scary looking as well as somewhat spendy, but it's worth every dime. EVERY DIME I tell ya! There aren't words to describe how AWESOME this thing is. Mine's out of batteries right now--hey, my bf's out